Deary me, how the days are blurring. Yesterday, however, was the official closing of the campus bar. At which drinks are about fifty pence each. I won't go into detail beacuse frankly, like most university organised events, it was shit. Needless to say highlights of the day where:

- The Samba Band. Now I'm a big Samba fan, and I've got the slinky hips to go with it.

- Urinating in a sink in an office. Which I feel is an apt way to end my relationship with the Student Union.

Considering I didn't even want to get out of bed yesterday, had slumped back into a Lithium educed state, and physically had to be dressed by A, I think I did quite well.

But today it's raining.

During a revision break today I took the time to fill in a job application to join a team of twenty members for some reason or another, and this is what it said:

Past experience in customer services:
When I was 16 I worked for Co-op (a supermarket), it was really great but I left, cos management told me to lie to shoppers and say that, and I quote, anything that wasn't on shelf 'Would be in stock on the Thursday delivery' I thought this a bit naughty, and couldn’t bear to lie to dear old ladies anymore so resigned leaving the store in utter chaos.

Shortly after this tragedy I worked as an NPLQ RLSS Lifeguard and Duty manager at a community based leisure complex in ____ _______ Although the main roles in this line of work are based on safety of bathers, some roles (often more on the management side) where public relations based. For example, Admin and reception jobs often ensure that I was 'front of house' for the company, and in direct correspondence with the customer.

Example of working under pressure:
Obviously as a national and regional super hero I am often under pressure to perform, but as, with many super hero based roles there is little evidence to support this.

However during a previous life, as a lifeguard and duty manager, much of the work experienced was under pressure. For example Once, there was this little boy in the swimming pool, and he was drowning and I was a lifeguard and I had to save him, and I did.

The management side of things was more about keeping the company together whilst no one knew it was falling apart. This at times had its moments. Like, for example, the story of the leaky acid pump, in which the plant room for the site had to immediately shut down under my authorisation. Which in turn, if not dealt with efficiently and quickly could have serious repercussions in terms of bather’s safety, and economically for the company.

Why should you be selected for the twenty person team:
Really the question here is why shouldn't I be in it? Now I can tell that as you are reading this you are obviously judging me, and that frankly is very naughty. But give me a minute, let’s talk this out.

Obviously, previous experience, should hopefully illustrate that I have the skills and stuff, but enough of all that waffle. Let’s talk solely about me.

I think I’m pretty amazing at most things, in fact I am. I’m both book smart and street smart, and really should probably be applying for bigger things, perhaps maybe to be the president of the world. But for now I’ll settle for working for _____ ______ cos I like that and stuff. Have I mentioned I designed the _____ ____ ______ advert? Cos I did, but seeing it around really annoys me now.

Also I’m already on your pay roll, so that’s less paperwork for the ___ ____ man and he’d like that.



Needless to say I got an interview, so I guess I am pretty amazing, but hey, we all knew that didn't we.

So there isn't much more to do, one day left in fact, and perhaps some luminance equations to work on. Enough on the writing front.

Here are so photographs for your viewing pleasure.

Here is a lovely photograph of all the design work I just submitted..blah blah boring

More importantly however, this is the outfit in which the said work was submitted. I like to call this outfit 'Can't-decide-what-type-of-wine-I-am-outfit" or something like that.

For those of you that wish to copy it, it comprises of : the perilously featured, lime green H&M polo shirt, purple CK underwear, white/cream/depends on the light, gap chinos rolled to the knee, leather accessories including belt and flipflops.

Obviously its name comes from the different colour gapes.

I have a bar to drink dry now.

"Twenty days of hell" as it's dubbed in our faculty, is about half way through. Put simply this is known as exam and portfolio period and is probably the most important stage of our course.

Naturally I've decided it's not that amazing and I have, so far:

- ignored all the work I have to do.

- spent the day calculating my age in days (well into my 7000th's - guess the correct number of days old I am and you can...erm win a prize or something.)

- taken sometime out to sample antibiotics from various friends, thus helping produce the next super bug (this is something I am very proud of.)

- spent all other available time watching day time television.

Not really what I'd call hell. More heaven?

It has come to my attention that watching Homes Under The Hammer should be officially classed as revision, cos it's buildings. This beautiful creation is my new pass time, that and the lovely woman from Bargain Hunt...Julian? Jillian? I duno. Lovely voice, cracking pair of tits.

If this is what the unemployed do all day, I want to be unemployed (or at least state dependant.) Thanks.

So I'm in a bar in Devon. I've been out with a PJ, V and the old work gang. Some tracksuit wearing chav comes up to me and tells me that I've called "Tara a fake". Who is Tara? Next thing, there are about six people crowded around our table.

Tracksuit Chav : "If you said it again I'm gonna mess your face up"
Me : "Excellent, I look forward to it"

Everything kicks off and the bars bouncers, as well as bar staff are quickly called to our booth. Some chavs square up to V and PJ; who quickly reminds the girls that she's an E1 girl, and she doesn't take shit from anyone.

S-jane and Lee control the situation with the unsucessful help of the bouncing team, whilst in the mean time I make small talk with a guy who is a friend of a friend, who asks what's going on. To which I reply

"I've no idea but appearntly I'm the centre of it."

These tracksuits are escorted from the pub, and shortly after we leave. On the way out we walk past these ASBOs, who make a snotty comment and are quickly reminded by the Bouncers that they should watch themselves. We then pass the girl who says I called her fake, who whispers under her breath "Prick."

Our night is pretty much over and I have to charter a lift home.

The perks of being a big fish in a small pond eh.