Saturday, 19 June 2010

A Bluebottle is ricochetting between the panes in the window, seduced by escape. And the evening sun is hung by dust as it breaks through the slats. And the courtyard is a merge of suits.

This must be the four hundredth time I've walked this building, and as I'm carrying a fluted tray, working the crowd, Cassis is spilt onto my otherwise pristine shirt. And apologies follow as a rolled up fifty is pushed into my free hand.

And it's three a.m when I return, and the streets are still empty. And I'm pushing a key into a lock. And in the bath/dressing room I change into a clean shirt, Grey Stripped, unbranded, and take off my Chinos. And pretend the shirts yours. And on the Robi coffee table, piles of pressed clothing, accessories and an empty Cafetiere. And I'm caught somewhere between day and night, morning light breaking the street light polluted cloud.

And in a travel bag I throw a few items, a laptop, a phone, Hugo Boss dress shirts, polos, the swim shorts from my race sponsor, two 75cl bottles of Goose. Tonight I'm leaving on a train. Heading, South. Walking through the kitchen I cogitate the idea that we co-inhabit and you've waited for me to return, and it's nights like these that you'd say don't go but you'd be happy that I'm happy. And I'd tell you I'd be back soon, and you'd smile and press my lips with yours.

Monday, 14 June 2010

I'm watching muted re-runs of a British chat shows on DAVE or More4 or some channel like that. The images the only light cast over the room, the smell of summer rain lifting from the pavements outside. The breeze, blown through the sash window, damp.

And from the Bose dock on the sideboard CocoRosie's Lemonade is playing, and it's by far the best track on the otherwise disappointing album. And I'm trying to pin point just exactly what it is that people find so amazing about it, and all I hear is a cheap Bjork imitation. Saved only by saxophone, and a slightly twenty's tinge.

And I'm thinking about all the things that I haven't achieved today, and how empty my apartment looks, half furnished, and the orange balloon adrift in the silent three am street, silent except for the shards of piano from my window. And the apartment I used to stay at with the lads, and the people we used to see, and the places we used to go, and the clubs we'd frequent, and the crazy things we do. And how we'd probably be sitting in a beer garden right now, drinking, laughing, and how I'd probably say something like 'I'm going to make a call' and we'd all know that I'd really be going to vomit somewhere. Or how we'd probably be drinking Snake Bite, and talking about better music than CocoRosie, planning a evening drive, and how nothing would matter except the night ahead, and who'd pull more girls, or who'd get more numbers, and the promise of muscle guys and podium dancers, and nothing would matter except now. And how we could be sitting in a beer garden right now, if I weren't sitting here. And I guess I'll see you on Friday old friend.

Monday, 7 June 2010

Coffee the usual morning beverage, often fails to take the edge of the monotony of daily life. Addiction to any substance, however, seems to blur the edges and is highly recommended. Addiction to alcohol is by far the most favourable. With several advantages over other addictions. Notably it's easy concealment. Is that Vodka O2 or Perrier in that bottle? This insures day drinking can take place at the office, in the board room, in the design studio, in the car, at a party or public event and even whilst making idle small talk with colleagues.

Whilst alcoholism may make it slightly harder for those holding down a 9 to 5 you should remind yourself that it is a good thing, its the only constant in your otherwise passing life. And let it be known that those of us with meaningless design/part time jobs salute you.

It's fairly well known that my personal collections and tastes, are vast and varied. House pours are usually take the shape of lower qualities,why spoil yourself? Everyone knows that Elite Premium in your display case looks better than it tastes. Never open it.

Most days I stick to a regimented Alcohol routine as part/entirety of a healthy balanced/unbalanced, liquid diet and well, here's how I do it.

0800am - Breakfast:

Beverage: Bailey's Irish Cream (Liqueur). Goes excellently with Coco-pops. Don't measure it, who even does that? Go all European and pour until the cereal floats.

Recommended for sipping at: The breakfast table.

1100am - Elevenis

Beverage: Absolut Ruby Red (Flavoured Vodka). Smells like Grapefruit. Taste like Grapefruit. This one counts towards your five-a-day. Like the Titanic tastes great on the rocks, or mixed with cranberry and passion fruit juice.

Recommended for sipping at: Desk/Office kitchenette

1400am - Late lunch
You'll probably be too full to eat at this point, but in case you aren't I'd go for something that will keep you alive until your next hit.

Beverage: Guinness (Ale). Practically a meal in a glass. You might want to throw it up, or only have a half, so not to get to fat, after all it is a ale. Ale = Added Fat

1600 - Afternoon snack
Usually a hand full of nuts, seeds etc, will be enough to keep you going until after a grooling office shift. And for this reason I choose...

Frangelico (Hazel Nut Liqueur). You'll need about ten 25ml shots to make up one of your recommended portion size.

Recommended for sipping at: Sly at the desk, or in the toilets, you can't have more than one break a day!

2000 (Although can start as soon as work finishes) - Dinner
You've had a hard day, drink what you want.

Beverage: Anything as long as you mix Beers Spirits and Wines. Don't forget, you've eaten a lot to day and need to puke it up so not to store it as fat.

1200 - Night Cap/Night catalyst
Going out? Staying in? It's all the same these days. Get completely sloshed.

Beverage: Balkan (Neutral Vodka). The perfect equivalent to Rohypnol. If you're shaving an early one, wash your Benzodiazepines down with this. If you're going out, well you wont need/want to remember what happens anyway.

Recommended for sipping at: The medicine cabinet/the kitchen floor.