Friday, 26 June 2009

Whilst driving today I past three accidents. And thought how annoying it is that these three people, have fucked up not only mine, but a hell of a lot of other motorists day.

I past each one slowly, mainly because I had too, but also partly because, lets face it, everyone loves a good car crash. Despite about two hundred units from the emergency services, there was no blood, or guts, which is a bit of a shame, and quite a waste of tax payers money. Needless to say, these anti-climatic mishaps only actually added about fifteen minutes to my journey.

Whilst in the Bristol, apart from getting stressed, panicked and swallowed by urban etiquette, or lack thereof, I visited a very pricey but amazing gym, and had a meeting with some people from the Royal Institute of British _________,Which was...erm, not really worth going to.

Tonight however, I am going to a wine bar opening night...sadly I am driving, and probably nothing will happen, but who knows.

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

In the afternoon sun, in the chaise lounge, reading; wearing only a pair of sweat pants and some Dior sunglasses, I am interrupted by my farther. Who has brought me a coffee, despite a tray of drinks laying in front of me.

I tell him, half interested, half still reading, that I have applied for two jobs today. He congratulates me, and suggests that perhaps I should look for work in the local bars. I brush off this suggestion, simply saying "not an option" and continue from where I left off, even though I have just read the same paragraph three times over.

Sunday, 21 June 2009

At dusk this evening, flailed over a chaise lounge, I ponder the possibility of the matter in my cranium melting and trickling, in a cocktail of bodily fluids, onto the yellow concrete patio slabs below.

Within the next few days, I may find out if this is actually possible, unless something more entertaining arises.

Today I also contemplated reality, but tiring of this, downloaded some computer games. In one I created characteratures of my friends, because we all know that pretending to socialise with your friends, its much better than actually socialising with your friends.

Friday, 19 June 2009

Of course after writing this, I then realised that I had actually filled out a job application, climbed up on the roof, and prank called a lot of people via VoIP, but really, that is as good as my day has been.

Thursday, 18 June 2009

Usually its around now that all the days start to blur together in an alcohol educed, summer haze. But they haven't. Pretty soon I may die if I don't find away to fill my otherwise pointless existence.

This is the fifth day of our summer vacation, and although I thought I'd never say it, it's pretty shit.

(Note that it isn't actually the fifth day, as three days were spent in Oxford but I am discounting those)

Since the beginning of this low, I have at least achieved the follow:

- Consuming 4 cream teas in 5 days. For those that aren't familiar with cream teas they consist of : Scones, Jam and Clotted Cream with a pot of tea, and obviously are about 1034% fat.

- Knocked the front bumper off my car.

- Knocked the back bumper off my car.

- Spent four hundred pounds in Ralph Lauren. Even after flirting heavily with my personal shopper, which included making him check the size of an shirt on the mannequin, taking him shopping in the kids section, and the girls section, and making him carry my stuff (that is what flirting is right?) I still couldn't bring the price down. So unless I take these items back, or start taking them off to make money, I'm in debt.

But in other news. I was in attendance at the gym last night. Which was...interesting. And I may just have to start going again to get myself out of bed. When I arrived, with PJ, Sweaty C was working out. I informed him that 'The king had returned' and he filled me in on all the local gossip, therefore not much working out was actually achieved.

Monday, 8 June 2009

Saturday night, like many Saturdays, was fairly uneventful. Apparently Bristol has a gay pride week ending or starting this weekend. (I cannot say for sure if it was defiantly ending, or starting for that matter, as it was pretty dire either way)

Naturally this event wasn't in my diary, which of course I am very upset about; because if I had known then perhaps I would have made an effort to look remotely homosexual. Instead I opted for a very nice Ralph Lauren outfit.

The night consisted of, well not a lot really. But perhaps the following should be noted:

- I was not nearly drunk enough, and wasn't sick, what is the world coming too?

- A fight broke out, and I'm pretty sure it was entirely my fault. But what can I say, don't put your sweaty little hands on me thank you very much.

- I was asked about my store card in paralanguage that suggested it was some form of insult or in someway snide to ask. How this pleb knew that I held the highest store card at this store, I will never know. But I'm pretty sure that asking :

"Hows your new ____ __ _____ credit card?"

Is asking for a witty comment about your poor credit, particularly when it's a store card.

- Many other minor non descript events occurred

But overall, definitely not a night to write home about (but perhaps someone else would like to on my behalf? I really don't mind.) and to be honest, paying fifteen pounds to get in this club, and then not even seeing a single transvestite was quite disappointing.

Sunday was pretty much spent moping, and feeling guilty that I perhaps ruined some little gay boys life, by getting them banned from a gay club for some while. However BR and I did go to the gym, even if it was just to fill a little time; It's extremely nice to have a life that doesn't revolve around the design studios at the moment.

But unfortunately it is now time to pack my belongings, before a quick shopping trip to Oxford, and then leave the city for a summer full of probably nothing. But more on that another day.

Saturday, 6 June 2009

Oh, and there's this. I found this little clipette, I think it sums me up quite well:

"Do you find yourself irritated when someone keeps you from doing what you want?
Do you feel that you are somehow special, and the rules don't apply to you?
Your emotional style could be Entitlement.

People with this emotional style feel that rules don't apply to them. They may have been spoiled as a child, or the love they received was based on a certain quality — looks, academics, athletic skills. These people often exaggerate their prowess, usually to hide a feeling of inadequacy, or feel they are entitled to more than their fair share of compensation. They also display a lack of self-discipline, and the inability to delay gratification.
If your emotional style is entitlement, try to be aware of the negative impact your actions have on the people around you. Mindfulness can help you learn to catch yourself before you overstep appropriate limits, and connect with your deeper feelings so you can deal with them directly."

Thanks Oprah, or whoever.

Oh, and someone put salt in my kettle.
Deary me, how the days are blurring. Yesterday, however, was the official closing of the campus bar. At which drinks are about fifty pence each. I won't go into detail beacuse frankly, like most university organised events, it was shit. Needless to say highlights of the day where:

- The Samba Band. Now I'm a big Samba fan, and I've got the slinky hips to go with it.

- Urinating in a sink in an office. Which I feel is an apt way to end my relationship with the Student Union.

Considering I didn't even want to get out of bed yesterday, had slumped back into a Lithium educed state, and physically had to be dressed by A, I think I did quite well.

But today it's raining.

Monday, 1 June 2009

During a revision break today I took the time to fill in a job application to join a team of twenty members for some reason or another, and this is what it said:

Past experience in customer services:
When I was 16 I worked for Co-op (a supermarket), it was really great but I left, cos management told me to lie to shoppers and say that, and I quote, anything that wasn't on shelf 'Would be in stock on the Thursday delivery' I thought this a bit naughty, and couldn’t bear to lie to dear old ladies anymore so resigned leaving the store in utter chaos.

Shortly after this tragedy I worked as an NPLQ RLSS Lifeguard and Duty manager at a community based leisure complex in ____ _______ Although the main roles in this line of work are based on safety of bathers, some roles (often more on the management side) where public relations based. For example, Admin and reception jobs often ensure that I was 'front of house' for the company, and in direct correspondence with the customer.

Example of working under pressure:
Obviously as a national and regional super hero I am often under pressure to perform, but as, with many super hero based roles there is little evidence to support this.

However during a previous life, as a lifeguard and duty manager, much of the work experienced was under pressure. For example Once, there was this little boy in the swimming pool, and he was drowning and I was a lifeguard and I had to save him, and I did.

The management side of things was more about keeping the company together whilst no one knew it was falling apart. This at times had its moments. Like, for example, the story of the leaky acid pump, in which the plant room for the site had to immediately shut down under my authorisation. Which in turn, if not dealt with efficiently and quickly could have serious repercussions in terms of bather’s safety, and economically for the company.

Why should you be selected for the twenty person team:
Really the question here is why shouldn't I be in it? Now I can tell that as you are reading this you are obviously judging me, and that frankly is very naughty. But give me a minute, let’s talk this out.

Obviously, previous experience, should hopefully illustrate that I have the skills and stuff, but enough of all that waffle. Let’s talk solely about me.

I think I’m pretty amazing at most things, in fact I am. I’m both book smart and street smart, and really should probably be applying for bigger things, perhaps maybe to be the president of the world. But for now I’ll settle for working for _____ ______ cos I like that and stuff. Have I mentioned I designed the _____ ____ ______ advert? Cos I did, but seeing it around really annoys me now.

Also I’m already on your pay roll, so that’s less paperwork for the ___ ____ man and he’d like that.

Needless to say I got an interview, so I guess I am pretty amazing, but hey, we all knew that didn't we.