Thursday, 26 March 2009

On Tuesday my front door locks behind me and I am left standing outside my apartment half naked. When my card is swiped into the lock nothing happens.

So I have to go to reception where I inform the woman that the lock on my front door has failed. She gives me an admin card, and I tell her that I don't think it will work. Which it doesn't. So I have to go back to reception, still half naked, and tell her this. She decides that the door might need more batteries.

Apparently our high security locks run on 4 AA batteries?

So I wait for her to get some batteries from another court as she doesn't have any. And I'm still naked. Twenty minutes later she comes back with some batteries which she installs in my door, with no avail.

So we go back to reception where I sit in the window seat whilst she calls security to get a master key. Then who should walk in. Ashley the stalker warden, who has clearly just come up to see me naked. I guess good news travels fast.

Long story short, eventually my door gets fixed by Ashley after an awkward lift journey and even more awkward conversation. Which pretty much goes something like this :

Ashley: "So why were you outside in your pyjamas?"
Me: "Measuring the hall way"
Ashley: "Oh"

Saturday, 14 March 2009

For the weekend I have ventured back to my parents house in the country. I have done this to compose myself before my exciting working holiday in Barcelona.

I didn't want to do a normal post but it looks like I am. So far I have slept quite well, as it is quiet here and that's what I'm use to, init. Also I have driven, and played boy racer with farm machinery, racing a tractor down country lanes and such.

Now to the most exciting event, buying stuff. Having driven 27 miles to go shopping with my mother I have bought/been bought the following:

a) (Apple) Green H&M Polo b) New White belt c) Grey Caus' pin stripe slacks d) Fred Perry Grey Parkside Marl pumps

From this picture you can tell :

-I've removed my head to retain my identity, so that you can't open a credit card or worse fall in love with me

-I've had a hair cut

-I can model pretty well. Check that stance.

From this picture you can't tell :

-That jeans are over.

-My room is black and my floors are totally wooden.

-According to a contact on the inside this coming season's colours and greys with bright accent colours, or something (I tired to ignore this but sadly thats all you can buy at the moment).

Not much more to report really.

Saturday, 7 March 2009

Having being told that I am not eating properly by my oh so caring house mates I have tried to make it more public when I am cooking. There are many ways to achieve this my favorite so far has to be cooking using the dirty oven which causes the room to fill with smoke.

This leads nicely into the story of last night. Because before I went out I ate a yoghurt. This made me feel very sick, and pretty much halted any fun.

I returned home yesterday from the studios and of course instead of eating, checked facebook, and realised I had a message saying "Fancy coming out tonight"? Obviously not one to buckle under peer pressure I replied, and three hours later ended up in Old Market St.

Interesting Relative Fact: Usually I piece together my nights by reading my text messages, or asking fellow cohorts. However thanks to the sicky yoghurt I don't have to as I didn't really drink much.

Much of the night was spent looking at the types of weirdos that this gay bar/club/converted old bank (I worked this out whilst sitting at a table and looking blankly at the re-enforced ceiling and doors and realising I was in fact sitting in an old vault). The types of people can be categorised into the following groups:

a) Fat, shaved lesbians who like to eat faces on the dance floor. Much like the girl with the red checked hat, checked white shirt and a fat girl stuck to her face.

b) Deformed wanna-be muscle boys, like the guy with the most fucked up biceps. Which we small, thin and bunched up at the top.

c) Random 67 year old man. Who was actually just a pervert, like the rest of us. But who was there alone, in a sweater, with a beard and glasses. I'm sure I can find a photo.

and of course

d) token blackman who was referred to as Coolieo. Who later tried to rape Welshie in the toilets, which in hindsight was actually quite amusing, although I'm pretty sure I broke the urinal by standing on it, and Welshie is probably now traumertised.

I say most of the night was taken up by categorising the clientele, in fact all of it was.

Still for a random night out, and probably my last for a little whilst (as once again I have more work to do) it was rather entertaining.

Sick count 0.

Thursday, 5 March 2009

I'm going to lie. I just haven't had the time. However on this somewhat random day procrastination has got the better of me and I may briefly fill you in with what has happened recently. Using notes from my small orange book.

Stopping drinking hasn't work at all. That's all there is to say really. Sick count 2. My brothers birthday didn't help this much, neither did cheap champagne. But this was a long time ago now, perhaps a few weeks so the details have escaped me.

I also returned home a couple of weekends ago, mainly to work on my last project. Which had been stealing most of my time, and was extremely infuriating. During this visit we had a bit of a college reunion meeting for tea, in every much the same manner that we used to during those EC days. From this the following happened:

- I decided that I really do miss college
- I spent lots of money

In the same visit I also took time to go out with my old work colleagues. Insuring that I stay popular whilst at home. Of course a pub crawl was organised. I did not consume alcohol at this, and of that I am proud. Although I did get asked for ID for just being in the pub, which has assured me that, as I thought, I do look younger that 14.

The final even that is scrawled in this book simple states

" I took Nytol and I'm still awake "

This is a very proud moment for me. As I returned home for a disastrous night out I saw it fit to pop a few Nytol pills. Then panicked because I had drank. Got scared I was going to die. And forced myself to stay up for 5 hours.

All in a days/several weeks work.