Thursday, 26 March 2009

On Tuesday my front door locks behind me and I am left standing outside my apartment half naked. When my card is swiped into the lock nothing happens.

So I have to go to reception where I inform the woman that the lock on my front door has failed. She gives me an admin card, and I tell her that I don't think it will work. Which it doesn't. So I have to go back to reception, still half naked, and tell her this. She decides that the door might need more batteries.

Apparently our high security locks run on 4 AA batteries?

So I wait for her to get some batteries from another court as she doesn't have any. And I'm still naked. Twenty minutes later she comes back with some batteries which she installs in my door, with no avail.

So we go back to reception where I sit in the window seat whilst she calls security to get a master key. Then who should walk in. Ashley the stalker warden, who has clearly just come up to see me naked. I guess good news travels fast.

Long story short, eventually my door gets fixed by Ashley after an awkward lift journey and even more awkward conversation. Which pretty much goes something like this :

Ashley: "So why were you outside in your pyjamas?"
Me: "Measuring the hall way"
Ashley: "Oh"


Tim in the City of Angles said...

Wait, is this "A Bristol Novella" or "Little Britain"?

It is rather suspicious that you would go out of a cold March morning wearing only what I assume were pyjama trousers (I think describing this attire as "naked" is a bit sensational, a trait with which I don't generally associate you).

Did you know Ashley was on duty? Was this really an "accident" rather than some desperate play for attention? Is Ashley really the stalker here?

I will look forward to the answer to these questions and many more in the coming weeks...

I don't suppose there are any snaps of you in these pyjama trousers. So that, you know, we can judge for ourselves the extent of your nakedness...

Christ, that even made my flesh crawl!

Tim in the City of Angles said...

lol, Well, F1, it appears that the way you roll, rolled you right into Ashley!

[Jansi] Anastasia said...

Glad that you do.

abristolnovella said...

Glad that I do?