Monday, 7 June 2010

Coffee the usual morning beverage, often fails to take the edge of the monotony of daily life. Addiction to any substance, however, seems to blur the edges and is highly recommended. Addiction to alcohol is by far the most favourable. With several advantages over other addictions. Notably it's easy concealment. Is that Vodka O2 or Perrier in that bottle? This insures day drinking can take place at the office, in the board room, in the design studio, in the car, at a party or public event and even whilst making idle small talk with colleagues.

Whilst alcoholism may make it slightly harder for those holding down a 9 to 5 you should remind yourself that it is a good thing, its the only constant in your otherwise passing life. And let it be known that those of us with meaningless design/part time jobs salute you.

It's fairly well known that my personal collections and tastes, are vast and varied. House pours are usually take the shape of lower qualities,why spoil yourself? Everyone knows that Elite Premium in your display case looks better than it tastes. Never open it.

Most days I stick to a regimented Alcohol routine as part/entirety of a healthy balanced/unbalanced, liquid diet and well, here's how I do it.

0800am - Breakfast:

Beverage: Bailey's Irish Cream (Liqueur). Goes excellently with Coco-pops. Don't measure it, who even does that? Go all European and pour until the cereal floats.

Recommended for sipping at: The breakfast table.

1100am - Elevenis

Beverage: Absolut Ruby Red (Flavoured Vodka). Smells like Grapefruit. Taste like Grapefruit. This one counts towards your five-a-day. Like the Titanic tastes great on the rocks, or mixed with cranberry and passion fruit juice.

Recommended for sipping at: Desk/Office kitchenette

1400am - Late lunch
You'll probably be too full to eat at this point, but in case you aren't I'd go for something that will keep you alive until your next hit.

Beverage: Guinness (Ale). Practically a meal in a glass. You might want to throw it up, or only have a half, so not to get to fat, after all it is a ale. Ale = Added Fat

1600 - Afternoon snack
Usually a hand full of nuts, seeds etc, will be enough to keep you going until after a grooling office shift. And for this reason I choose...

Frangelico (Hazel Nut Liqueur). You'll need about ten 25ml shots to make up one of your recommended portion size.

Recommended for sipping at: Sly at the desk, or in the toilets, you can't have more than one break a day!

2000 (Although can start as soon as work finishes) - Dinner
You've had a hard day, drink what you want.

Beverage: Anything as long as you mix Beers Spirits and Wines. Don't forget, you've eaten a lot to day and need to puke it up so not to store it as fat.

1200 - Night Cap/Night catalyst
Going out? Staying in? It's all the same these days. Get completely sloshed.

Beverage: Balkan (Neutral Vodka). The perfect equivalent to Rohypnol. If you're shaving an early one, wash your Benzodiazepines down with this. If you're going out, well you wont need/want to remember what happens anyway.

Recommended for sipping at: The medicine cabinet/the kitchen floor.


Tim in the City of Angles said...

By God, Toughie, you should write for Men's Health! A wonderful post full of wonderful suggestions! It's no wonder you're so lean and toned, and I understand that vomiting is great for the abs! I, for one, am off to the liquor store!

BTW, really like the changes to your page, although I think a new photo is overdue. Just sayin.

Lust For Life said...

Thanks. This saves me the time of having to plan my Summer diet.