Friday, 31 July 2009

And it's probably only fair I tell you this, and it is probably quite a difficult thing to hear. But I have surrendered life as we know it, to concentrate on my housewifery skills.

On Wednesday I visit my new apartment. I drink Earl Grey and lavish Gin cocktails. I consume two lunches with two different people. I wear a hat. I drink mediocre coffees, at three different establishments. I urinate in a shop doorway. I use contacts to gain VIP. I dine with an old friend. Sell my Apple Macintosh. I re-arrange furniture. I drive 87.2 miles.

On Thursday I lunch with a friend. I drink more coffee. I compose some designs. I say the words 'Looking millionaire'. I enjoy the English summer rain. I wear orange underwear. I eat multipule cream teas. I get caught speeding. I buy a sandwich for £4.56. I sleep in silk sheets. Stop mid-sentence. I drive 80.5 miles.

I intend to return to Bristol, to live the life of a graduate of Finishing school. And I intend to do this well.


michaelluke said...

Urinating in a shop doorway is probably better with walking around soaked in what soon becomes stale urine all over one's pants.

Was the shop open and serving customers at the time? If so, what did it sell?

abristolnovella said...

It was Jack Wills the infamous 'University Outfiters'.

Think...english take on A&F with an evern more epic fail (and a target market of 14 year old girls).

Jim said...

I too wore orange underwear on Friday. Is my underwear your underwear's doppelgänger? Or vice versa?

abristolnovella said...

You know, I'm not sure it is. Possible. I must order some more though....but perhaps purple this time.